“It’s there. I can sense it. The black mass moving slowly. Creeping. I want to avoid it. I run. But what’s the point? It’ll catch me no matter what. I know people who’ll welcome it with open hands. They say, ‘ take me’ or ‘it’s my time’. So why can’t I. Maybe I’m too young? I haven’t learned enough about the world. Maybe I too will welcome its cold soul. People say I shouldn’t think about it, but how can I stop? I can sense it. The black mass moving slowly. Creeping.
It’s always there. Waiting for you. You know it’s coming. You want to be prepared, but you can’t. It strikes like a phantom. You don’t know when. It comes and goes, silent like the night. After all, it hides there.” – Riddhi in 6th grade
This little excerpt was written by 6th grade me in my writer’s notebook. I was flipping through some notebooks when I found this. It wasn’t finished, but it provoked me. Why was I writing about this in 6th grade?
So I’ve told only some people in my life about my depression in 5th grade. I don’t remember much about it, except I went to therapy and they tried to “remove” all the bad things. So maybe that stuff was still fresh and new on my mind?
But as Lightningsaph came and said that we think about these things , but as of for now, we don’t even want to think about high school, another direction started for this post. Why is something so close to happening more “scarier” than something in the future? My guess is unpredictability. We know that high school is right around the corner, but death? We don’t really know. I guess that’s what stresses us out.
But it could also be the other way. You could be stressed about the fact that you don’t know for certain the arrival of death, kind of like what I was thinking in 6th grade (maybe?). It might just spring on you.
I’m no neurologist to tell you how our brains work, but I can say that my 6th grade brain was going pretty deep , as far as I know it.And for some reason, that scares me the most.
P.S. This post ended somewhere where I did not intend. Just goes to prove that my mind is completely unpredictable at times. So where did I plan to go with this post? Well I actually wanted to finish the thoughts, but obviously got carried away in some other drift. Hopefully I can finish my 6th grade brain’s train of thoughts.